need another drink. this is the easiest way
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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