Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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