I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I look better un-naked...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
