I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
