Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
