Three words: puerto rican gang bang
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
