I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
