I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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