Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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