Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
