he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
