If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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