I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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