So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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