Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
