Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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