Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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