I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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