Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
