then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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