I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
