It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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