Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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