I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
