I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
