I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
