her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
