i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
