I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
