I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
