yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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