Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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