"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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