no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
