she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All the doctor said was why
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
