ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize