apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
