meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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