i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was born a porn star she said
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize