i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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