I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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