I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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