Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
did i just pee glitter
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
