Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
