My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
