yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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