I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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