Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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