he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
