btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
