Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
