He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
