I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
