I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
3 2 1 whiskey
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
