how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We're too hungover to prance.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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