I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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