I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
