Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
