i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
