party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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