yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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