My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
