all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
