Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
