I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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