my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
