i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
