Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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