I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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