i just google imaged poop.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
