I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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