Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I bet he comes in French.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
