census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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