I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
