Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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