I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
