I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
