Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
