I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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