the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
